I honestly wish I could have said I saw the signs coming, noticed the changes, or suspected dementia was on the horizon. But the truth? I didn’t. Not before it all started.

 

Grandma was always strong and independent. Sure, she’d slowed down with age, sometimes mixed up the grandkids’ names, and repeated old stories or news, but I always chalked it up to getting older - normal forgetfulness, right? Even in my 30s, I’ve had my own moments of blanking out.

 

Then, in September 2024, everything changed. Around the 12th, Grandma was found on the bathroom floor, disoriented. The ambulance was called. At the time, she had a UTI and delirium. At the time she kept repeating “a bomb had gone off.” This was her explanation as to how she had ended up falling onto the floor. While in hospital, she called doctors and nurses by the wrong name and insisted people were trying to poison her. We had to eat the food to prove it wasn't poisoned and at times take her in food we had made just to get her to eat something. She wasn't always politically correct, she attempted to pour hot tea on a nurse and would refuse to cooperate with medication and blood pressure checks.

 

After a couple of weeks, she returned home with a treatment plan in place. Doctors warned that delirium could come and go, it could fully resolve and not come back, or eventually potentially develop into dementia. At the time we had no idea which way it would go. It was a waiting game.

 

Unfortunately, Grandma never fully returned to her previous self. Her mobility decreased significantly. The delirium took quite sometime to ebb away however it never completely went - this was the start of all the real signs of dementia. She could no longer shop for herself, so this had to be done for her. Leaving the house became extremely difficult as she could not do this alone. Carers were introduced as she left the hospital. Initially, she tolerated them but often moaned and refused their help, as soon as she could get rid of them she would, she would even send some of them away early not wanting them there in her house. She cancelled them before the initial 6 week trial period was up and went back to doing things her way and on her own.

 

Christmas Day 2024 brought another fall. She was helped off the floor by another family member, paramedics were called and a doctor confirmed another UTI. This time, she stayed at home and didn’t go to hospital after being checked over by paramedics. After this we did manage to convince her to add in cameras to the house starting initially in the living room and kitchen.

 

By January 2025, she had her first GP review and assessment by a physiotherapist. Both confirmed she was fit to remain at home and still had capacity, but concerns about memory prompted referral to a memory clinic. Small adaptations were suggested such as:

• a kitchen chair
• disabled handrails between certain rooms
• commode
• shower rails and shower chair
• fall alarm

but she refused most of them.

 

In late January, things began to change significantly some was observed physically seeing her whilst others were seen because the cameras had been put into place. Some of which included:

• Incontinence: Occasional accidents became more frequent, with urine found on the sofa, bedroom floor, living room floor, and even in random pots and plant pots dotted around the house.
• Behaviour: Personality changes became apparent; she was harsher and more defensive, especially towards some family members. She would be seen making a sandwich but naked from the waist down. Trying to light the grill from the hob using a piece of cardboard whilst leaving the oven door open, the hob on and talking to hallucinations at the same time.
• Hallucinations: She began seeing people and animals, talking to them. This was documented by doctors, carers, seen by family members and was captured on video footage. 
• Food hoarding: She became more obsessive about keeping old food, refusing to let anyone throw it away. Despite fresh shopping arriving regularly, she clung to the old items. Empty food wrappers were shoved in random clothes draws and kitchen draws.
• Money: This was the start of the money obsession needing pocket money and stashing it in random places around the house, some of which made you wonder how she managed to hide it there in the first place considering she struggled with her mobility. The one that stands out the most was when she hid it in a handbag on the bottom shelf of the kitchen cupboard, under the sink at the back of the cupboard.
• Support needs: Visits need to be daily, either from carers and / or family members. As the family members it was often hard to leave without spending significant time at her house as there were always issues to sort out.
• Technology:
  • Phones - She would call more and more frequently- sometimes up to 20 times a day or even more - causing considerable stress for the family especially as we all still worked full time jobs. As she deteriorated mobile phones and house phones became more difficult for her to use on a day-to-day basis causing her further frustration. 
  • Alexa’s - Installing Alexas in the earlier stages were brilliant as her movement was slow, she could answer a call from the comfort of her sofa. She also did not have to struggle with the button pushing. The down side as she grew progressively worse, she could not ask Alexa to call as she would forget Alexa’s name so it was good for one way calling, until she would unplug Alexa and hide the device in random places around the house, rendering it completely useless with no power to it.
  • Ring doorbell camera – Installing a Ring doorbell camera allowed us to monitor who was at the front door without her needing to answer it herself. This was particularly useful for safety and reducing anxiety around unexpected visitors. While it didn’t prevent incidents inside the house, it provided peace of mind and a sense of control over access to her home.
  • Internal Camera’s - Installing cameras allowed us to check on her and make sure she was safe and had not fallen. On one occasion she did fall she waved to the cameras to alert us to the fall. Initially the cameras were only in the communal areas but did progress to her bedroom as well to limit the blind spots when she did fall.
  • Fall alarm -We did not introduce a fall alarm, as some of her falls were from slipping off the bed or sofa, which the devices we looked into would not have reliably detected. Additionally, she had a habit of removing and hiding items and could not see herself wearing it, so it would likely have been ineffective in practice.

 

After pushing and advocating to social services an assessment in February 2025 after another fall that caused another hospitalisation finally confirmed many concerns and allowed us to push for further help including:

• Memory of previous falls remained intact but not always correct into how they genuinely happened
• Suggested pendant alarm and additional carer support plus the rails and additions to the home she previously had refused now had to be put in place before she could return home, she could no longer refuse these 
• As she lived in an old victorian house there was a deep step from her living room to her kitchen. It was suggested that the door be locked to the kitchen so that she could not do the step without assistance from careers or family members.
• Medical investigations ongoing (dementia clinic, high blood pressure, cataract issues, swollen feet / legs)
• Carers to support washing, meals, cleaning, medication; recommended 3–4 visits per day initially at 30mins per visit, with long-term planning needed
• Mobility support necessary; two carers suggested for safe movement and toileting (however once she was released from hospital they changed this back to one)

 

By this point, her days were punctuated by confusion, hallucinations, and a growing dependence on support. Falls became frequent and with it so did the hospital visits or calls to paramedics and rapid response, all of it just becoming the new norm. The vibrant, independent woman I knew was gradually fading, though her personality still shone through in fleeting moments mostly in her stubbornness, humour, and the little quirks that made her herself.